As
raw winds
gust, we pause
and remember.
Omens of winter,
the dead leaves scatter.
In their wake, barren ground
covers the bones of those who sleep,
wasted in sunken, cement chambers.
As raw winds gust, we pause and remember.
This is written in response to the picture writing prompt provided at Magpie Tales and the promp 'Omen' offered from Sunday Scribblings. Click on the names to check out both these sites. The from is a Dectina Refrain created by Marion Friedenthal, with each line containing the following syllables: 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9 and the refrain repeats lines 1-4.
Really raw
ReplyDeleteMade me want to hide my paw
That ugly winter is coming too
That is just eww..haha
Great verse!
Nice one! :-)
ReplyDeleteJJRod'z
Beautifully done. I love the refrain.
ReplyDeleteKay, Alberta, Canada
An Unfittie’s Guide to Adventurous Travel
Great way to combine two Sunday prompts and a comment on the season!
ReplyDeleteThe shape corresponds nicely to the little roof on the monument.
ReplyDeletefine marrying of words, form, prompt ... excellent!
ReplyDeleteI like your form too. And the refrain. And your visit.
ReplyDeleteBeautiful! I am going to have to try a dectina refrain of my own. Well done!
ReplyDeleteA season to "pause and remember". Death is inevitable, yet there is always a blanket and shelter.
ReplyDeleteBeautiful.
sunken cement chambers....very nice and an interesting concept, i will have to give it a go.x
ReplyDeleteI'd say elegiac -- if I could only be sure how it's pronounced.
ReplyDeleteI love the refrain.
ReplyDeleteIt made us pause, eh?
;)
The word "wasted" is used to telling effect. It certainly moved me.
ReplyDeleteCleverly done and I like the repetition of line 1 and 4 in the last. I think we like to go to graveyards and not think of our loved ones as decayed or worn-out, but as "rested". This really created a "mood". Very nice write.
ReplyDeleteI love that your lines form a marker...very clever...
ReplyDeleteThank you Tess. Wasn't sure if I should center align or not. Now I'm glad I did.
ReplyDeleteEvocative and beautiful, Mary-- I love the photograph and your words repaint the scene-- xxxxj
ReplyDeleteExcellent job with this complex format. Perfect wording for the prompt. Really enjoyed this Mary.
ReplyDeleteI can feel the leaves crunching..like bones..in this piece..and yet the shape of your poem is digging out..coming up like a flower from the ground..beautiful..Jae
ReplyDeleteyou capture many elements...the wind the leaves and the graves themselves...pausing to remember is a good thing..
ReplyDeleteI get a false sense of familiarity in a cemetery...hmmm, I hope it is false.
ReplyDeleteVery well done. ~Mary
I think the physical structure of your poem really helps its impact.
ReplyDeleteThank you, each and every one. I do appreciate the comments. I usually do a specific thank you each person, but I won't here, not because I appreciate these comments less, but because you're probably not coming back to read my responses. I will of course visit you at your blogs and make leave my comments there.
ReplyDeletePerfectly lovely and appropriately tree shapped. I like it! ;-)
ReplyDeleteThat's a fine formatted piece. My collar's turned against the cold already!!
ReplyDeleteThank you Jamie and Lena!
ReplyDeleteFew words but much said.
ReplyDeleteThank you Bee.
ReplyDeleteThis is beautiful Mary....i like the way you combined the idea of seasons and life and death....wonderful writing! :-)
ReplyDeleteA work of art! Excellent!
ReplyDeleteAnna :o]
ohh, it is so, just as written... stepping inside another world we're just visitors to something beyond the gate
ReplyDeleteThank you Carrie, Anna and Miss Pie! I appreciate your comments.
ReplyDeleteVery nice- I like this form and your take on the prompt!
ReplyDeleteincredible.
ReplyDelete:)