Friday, July 26, 2013

At Dusk

    Image from adrondicklifemag.com

As dusk reclaims the sky
you watch the shadows deepen
reviewing things you keep in
secret during the day:
promises unspoken, almost kept
feelings woken that should have slept,
bridges broken,
hearths unkept,
oceans open and windswept,
a token you never could accept.

Now turn your back, go inside;
send your sorrows off to hide.


This is a 55 word list poem for G-man's FF55 and Victoria Slotto at dVerse.  Click on the links and check them out.

43 comments:

  1. oo those feelings that should have slept that woken...those can def be dangerous....glad the sorrows got sent off there in the end...

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    1. Yeah, and I have no idea if 'woken' is the correct usage there...my HS English teacher would not be pleased, lol.

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  2. Mary Bach...
    Positively Fantastic!
    I loved the flow, I loved the rhyme, I loved your story.
    You are a creative genius
    I'm a Bachamaniac!!
    Thanks for playing, and have a Kick Ass Week End

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    1. Awwww shucks Galen *kicks pebble* thanks very much. And thanks for the 55 platform.

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  3. Beautiful write-- you've managed to make the familiar lines of poetry into something extraordinary and new. peace, Jason

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  4. Mary,

    This is filled with emotions.. promises unspoken, almost kept..

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  5. The rhythm, the rhyme, the emotion...gorgeous writing. And it's true. Thank you.

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  6. It's good to review the day, then toss it into the past. I liked this, Mary. Thanks for joining in.

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    1. Good advice Victoria. Thank you for the interesting prompt!

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  7. I love how similar our images were - the little jetty in a lake - and where the place took you in your thoughts. The peacefulness of the place seems to calm the troubled spirit.

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    1. I noticed that too Kerry. Great minds...? ;-)

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  8. So well penned...oftentimes these sleeping DO tend to rise again and again! Unfortunately!

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  9. Those times in the night, we should let those shadows fly away ~ Like this part: oceans open and windswept ~

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  10. The end rhymes being the same work really well here to reinforce the list, making everything seem very structured, yet the words themselves are descriptive and full of mood. I like it--it has woken me up. ;_)

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    1. Thank you Joy...and I still don't know if 'woken' is used correctly here, but...it was just so handy that it rhymed! ;-)

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  11. Oh, this was so intimate and lovely. Just beautiful!

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  12. I love the rhythm of your words here ... everything just flows.
    Quite lovely, Mary.

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  13. That's very beautiful, Mary. The perfect end to the day, just leave those unspoken words unspoken. Thanks,

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    1. Thank you Mark. Just keep them asleep, right you are.

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  14. This calls on our deepest instincts, Mary. Those instincts that make us feel threatened by oncoming darkness, but which, for most of us, remain buried. Clever of you to bring them to the surface, reminding us of

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  15. Of...something.... Thank you John.

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  16. Love the flow of this, the rhyme...
    "Just turn your back, go inside..."
    No use dwelling regrets, the coulda, woulda, shouldas-- right? You hit so much we all feel, and composed it perfectly. Really well done, Mary.

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    1. Thank you so much Ginny. And I actually thought of that phrase, "coulda, woulda, shoulda." :o)

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  17. beautiful words....lovely lines!!

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  18. Nice ! I really enjoyed the fow of this- and the feeling it evoked too!

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  19. :)Really we all should move ahead and leave behind the past

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    1. We should Bandana, though it's sometimes easier said than done.

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