Friday, July 26, 2013

At Dusk

    Image from adrondicklifemag.com

As dusk reclaims the sky
you watch the shadows deepen
reviewing things you keep in
secret during the day:
promises unspoken, almost kept
feelings woken that should have slept,
bridges broken,
hearths unkept,
oceans open and windswept,
a token you never could accept.

Now turn your back, go inside;
send your sorrows off to hide.


This is a 55 word list poem for G-man's FF55 and Victoria Slotto at dVerse.  Click on the links and check them out.
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42 comments:

  1. Brian MillerJuly 26, 2013 at 6:56 PM

    oo those feelings that should have slept that woken...those can def be dangerous....glad the sorrows got sent off there in the end...

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    1. Other MaryJuly 27, 2013 at 7:46 AM

      Yeah, and I have no idea if 'woken' is the correct usage there...my HS English teacher would not be pleased, lol.

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  2. g-manJuly 26, 2013 at 7:43 PM

    Mary Bach...
    Positively Fantastic!
    I loved the flow, I loved the rhyme, I loved your story.
    You are a creative genius
    I'm a Bachamaniac!!
    Thanks for playing, and have a Kick Ass Week End

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    1. Other MaryJuly 27, 2013 at 7:47 AM

      Awwww shucks Galen *kicks pebble* thanks very much. And thanks for the 55 platform.

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  3. ayalaJuly 26, 2013 at 8:25 PM

    A beautiful poem, Mary .

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  4. AnonymousJuly 26, 2013 at 8:26 PM

    Beautiful write-- you've managed to make the familiar lines of poetry into something extraordinary and new. peace, Jason

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  5. TruedessaJuly 26, 2013 at 8:54 PM

    Mary,

    This is filled with emotions.. promises unspoken, almost kept..

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  6. dsJuly 26, 2013 at 9:55 PM

    The rhythm, the rhyme, the emotion...gorgeous writing. And it's true. Thank you.

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  7. AnonymousJuly 26, 2013 at 10:39 PM

    It's good to review the day, then toss it into the past. I liked this, Mary. Thanks for joining in.

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    1. Other MaryJuly 27, 2013 at 8:28 AM

      Good advice Victoria. Thank you for the interesting prompt!

      Delete
  8. Katie Mia FrederickJuly 26, 2013 at 11:05 PM

    ...and live

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  9. Kerry O'ConnorJuly 27, 2013 at 2:01 AM

    I love how similar our images were - the little jetty in a lake - and where the place took you in your thoughts. The peacefulness of the place seems to calm the troubled spirit.

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    1. Other MaryJuly 27, 2013 at 8:27 AM

      I noticed that too Kerry. Great minds...? ;-)

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  10. MaryJuly 27, 2013 at 6:38 AM

    So well penned...oftentimes these sleeping DO tend to rise again and again! Unfortunately!

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  11. GraceJuly 27, 2013 at 7:40 AM

    Those times in the night, we should let those shadows fly away ~ Like this part: oceans open and windswept ~

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  12. Pat HattJuly 27, 2013 at 8:58 AM

    Send them packing indeed

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  13. hedgewitchJuly 27, 2013 at 11:07 AM

    The end rhymes being the same work really well here to reinforce the list, making everything seem very structured, yet the words themselves are descriptive and full of mood. I like it--it has woken me up. ;_)

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    1. Other MaryJuly 27, 2013 at 2:35 PM

      Thank you Joy...and I still don't know if 'woken' is used correctly here, but...it was just so handy that it rhymed! ;-)

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  14. TALONJuly 27, 2013 at 2:56 PM

    Oh, this was so intimate and lovely. Just beautiful!

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  15. HelenJuly 27, 2013 at 3:01 PM

    I love the rhythm of your words here ... everything just flows.
    Quite lovely, Mary.

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  16. WaltermarksJuly 27, 2013 at 3:16 PM

    That's very beautiful, Mary. The perfect end to the day, just leave those unspoken words unspoken. Thanks,

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    1. Other MaryJuly 27, 2013 at 10:02 PM

      Thank you Mark. Just keep them asleep, right you are.

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  17. poetjanstieJuly 27, 2013 at 5:40 PM

    This calls on our deepest instincts, Mary. Those instincts that make us feel threatened by oncoming darkness, but which, for most of us, remain buried. Clever of you to bring them to the surface, reminding us of

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  18. Other MaryJuly 27, 2013 at 10:03 PM

    Of...something.... Thank you John.

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  19. Ginny BrannanJuly 27, 2013 at 10:36 PM

    Love the flow of this, the rhyme...
    "Just turn your back, go inside..."
    No use dwelling regrets, the coulda, woulda, shouldas-- right? You hit so much we all feel, and composed it perfectly. Really well done, Mary.

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    1. Other MaryJuly 28, 2013 at 7:06 AM

      Thank you so much Ginny. And I actually thought of that phrase, "coulda, woulda, shoulda." :o)

      Delete
  20. Kalyan PanjaJuly 28, 2013 at 7:18 AM

    beautiful words....lovely lines!!

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  21. izzyJuly 28, 2013 at 8:51 AM

    Nice ! I really enjoyed the fow of this- and the feeling it evoked too!

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  22. Vandana SharmaJuly 28, 2013 at 11:08 AM

    :)Really we all should move ahead and leave behind the past

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    1. Other MaryJuly 29, 2013 at 4:12 PM

      We should Bandana, though it's sometimes easier said than done.

      Delete
  23. Rosemary Nissen-WadeAugust 3, 2013 at 7:33 AM

    NIce list, and nice rhymes.

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