Friday, January 23, 2015

A Path Appears

    Photo by Mary Bach

A path appears
beneath your feet so move along
my darling dears.
A path appears,
though you've been stuck for many years
and wonder if it’s right or wrong.
my darling dears
your time has come, move from the throng –
a path appears.


Over at dVerse we were asked to try breaking bad, sort of.  Actually, Brian asked us to try taking form poetry and "breaking" or changing it in some way to make it uniquely our own.  For this I've chosen the form called Rondelet.  This consists of seven lines.  Lines 1, 3 and 7 are a refrain, in the traditional French form this consists of four syllables, in English it's usually two iambs.  The remaining four lines all consist of eight syllables, or four iambs. Line four rhymes with the refrain while the other lines all rhyme with one another. This gives us a rhyme scheme of:  AbAabbA.  I have broken it by adding two more lines of two iambs that rhyme with the refrain.  This changes the form to something like this: A1,b,A2,A1,a,b,A2,b,A1
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36 comments:

  1. Yvonne OsborneJanuary 23, 2015 at 4:50 PM

    You did all that, plus wrote a meaningful poem! No small feat. I love the message, break out of the pack.

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    1. Other MaryJanuary 23, 2015 at 8:20 PM

      Hey Yvonne, thanks. I appreciate the read and comment. x

      Delete
  2. GraceJanuary 23, 2015 at 4:50 PM

    I like the refrain, a path appears. Move along is a good advise. Good job on the broken rondelet.

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  3. GabriellaJanuary 23, 2015 at 4:56 PM

    I always find that refrains add meaning to a poem. You did very well with yours, Mary. I enjoyed the message too.

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  4. Brian MillerJanuary 23, 2015 at 5:25 PM

    nice....isnt it funny how when we move the path appears....but as long as we stand still...we can be left wondering where to go...i like you play with the form mary...

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    1. Other MaryJanuary 23, 2015 at 8:19 PM

      Thanks Brian. This was a good prompt. I have been looking for the path for a long time now. :o)

      Delete
  5. Ron ShieldsJanuary 23, 2015 at 5:28 PM

    Mary, this is a gem of a poem and the "broken" rondelet is nicely executed.

    Anyone who quotes both Wittgenstein and Espada on the same page just has to be an interesting person/poet - and you toast with Cabernet! "Ahh Bach" brings a big smile to my face. I will look forward to reading more of your work.

    Ron
    www.poetryontherun.com

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  6. Ron ShieldsJanuary 23, 2015 at 5:43 PM

    ...what I meant to say was www.poetryontherun.wordpress.com.

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    1. Other MaryJanuary 23, 2015 at 8:17 PM

      Heheh, thanks Ronald. I did make it to your blog as well. Good stuff!

      Delete
  7. Rosemary Nissen-WadeJanuary 23, 2015 at 6:06 PM

    I enjoyed reading this sweet, encouraging poem. I love the way your extra lines lead to such a strong conclusion!

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  8. Pat HattJanuary 23, 2015 at 6:36 PM

    Put one foot in front of the other and a path will come due

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  9. UnknownJanuary 23, 2015 at 6:58 PM

    yep - just move. There are moments when you can't sit around and waste time wondering if it's right or wrong; have faith and jump.

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    1. Other MaryJanuary 23, 2015 at 8:10 PM

      Still, easier said than done...at least for me.

      Delete
  10. MaryJanuary 23, 2015 at 7:36 PM

    I like the idea of the path appearing. I think one often appears just when we need it.

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  11. BeachannyJanuary 23, 2015 at 10:11 PM

    You should name it as your own. It's an effective form and not quite so much of a ring as the original. I liked it a lot. Many people are on the wrong path for a very long time, but given enough time hopefully each of us will find our voice, our mission, our true path. Well said.

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    1. Other MaryJanuary 24, 2015 at 8:11 AM

      Thank you very much Anny. :o) I like the idea of my own form, lol. I'll have to give some thought to a name for it.

      Delete
  12. AnonymousJanuary 23, 2015 at 11:06 PM

    wonderful rhyme, and the added iambs fit beautifully!

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  13. brudbergJanuary 24, 2015 at 1:05 AM

    I think the form is better than the rondolett.. And the refrain is so effective. How often isn't it so that a path appears?

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    1. Other MaryJanuary 24, 2015 at 8:13 AM

      Thank you Bjorn, I appreciate your form comment. :o) Yes, often we need a little initial faith or daring and then the Universe conspires with us!

      Delete
  14. ClaudiaJanuary 24, 2015 at 1:50 AM

    ah sometimes we just have to be brave and walk that path - we can never know exactly anyway where it will lead...

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  15. AnonymousJanuary 24, 2015 at 3:45 AM

    There are overtones of the villanelle in your use of a second refrain in this poem Mary. Right now, I'm waiting for that path to appear ...

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    1. Other MaryJanuary 24, 2015 at 8:14 AM

      Ah, I hope it shows itself soon and leads you to a good place.

      Delete
  16. ayalaJanuary 24, 2015 at 8:11 AM

    A gem, love it Mary.

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  17. OutlawyerJanuary 24, 2015 at 2:34 PM

    Ah sweet, thank you, Mary. K. (Http://Manicddaily.wordpress.com)

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  18. Marina SofiaJanuary 26, 2015 at 8:08 AM

    Late to the table, as I had an internet outage over the weekend. I like the message in this one - and the melodic rondelet was rendered even more melodious by your modifications. I like this a lot!

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    1. Other MaryJanuary 27, 2015 at 8:03 AM

      Thank you! I'm glad to see your back online. :o)

      Delete
  19. Susan AndersonJanuary 30, 2015 at 2:41 AM

    Really enjoyed this one. That repetition really keeps the energy moving.

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