Monday, April 11, 2011

Shadorma

My muse deserted me for awhile. I'm trying to lure her back with short, little treats. Today I learned a new poetic form called the Shadorma, thanks to Anne Welch at One Stop Poetry. This form is, "...a 6 lined poem (sestet) of Spanish descent with no set rhyme scheme. The shadorma is a syllabic poem with the following structure: 3/5/3/3/7/5." So here is my first attempt:




Counting time
on the calendar
each day an
agony
moving towards what?
I have become the waiting


16 comments:

  1. I like the turn at the end...always a useful tool in succinct writing

    Peace, hp

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  2. Mary...I love the line "I have become the waiting" just one thing...that is 7 syllables...if you switch line 5 and 6 you will have the shadorma form nailed!

    Counting time
    on the calendar
    each day is
    agony
    I have become the waiting
    moving towards what?

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  3. Your Muse is home again - beautifully written Mary ♥

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  4. Thanks hp and Ainsley.
    Annie - I tend to be a bit lysdexic with numbers, I switched the order of the lines on the page where I wrote this...oops! Thanks for pointing it out, I wouldn't have noticed.

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  5. I think your Muse is listening to your temptations. Wonderful write.

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  6. Oh, thank you Reflections :o)

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  7. oh wow...this is haunting and real...yikes

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  8. Thanks Brian! Even though the syllable count is wrong I think I like it this way better, so I'll try another go at the shadorma form.

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  9. glad to see you back with smiles.

    very well fine tuned piece.
    you rock.

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  10. My first visit...smiles...

    ♥ ஆ

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  11. Jingle - thanks!

    Helena - thank you - and thanks for following :o)

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  12. Hi Mary
    came by from OSP... Love the poem, you made the form look easy !
    JL&B

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  13. love the twist at the end...you becoming the waiting...the obsession taking over self...bkm

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  14. Hey, thanks JL&B! Even though I mixed up the last 2 lines, lol.

    Thank you BKM!

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  15. Well done. Like other commenters, I like the unexpected ambivalent end, the waiting on the move, towards what?

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  16. Lorenzo - thank you for you comment, I like the end too.

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