Sunday, February 10, 2013

Chained

Today I wake up missing you;
though it’s been years
you haunt me still.

Last night I dreamed you
into our bed.
Today I wake up missing you.

In unguarded moments
I feel the pressure of your lips,
though it’s been years.

I've tried to let you go,
but with our daughter’s eyes
you haunt me still.

     Image by fuguestock.deviantart.com

This is a chained verse for Hedgewitch over at Toad Hall...well, in the Garden actually.  With the form in the first stanza we use the first line as the last line of the second stanza, and the second line will be the last line in the third stanza, and so on.  Use the same number of lines in each stanza, and you will end up with one less line per stanza than you have stanzas.  Check out the link though for a much better explanation and some wonderful poems!  

34 comments:

  1. Oh, excellent work, Mary. The short phrases keep the poem moving, and the feeling of yearning flows gently through them. I especially like the lines you picked for your first stanza--they are simple and powerful and really suit the poem perfectly. Thanks for checking in at Toad Hall, or at least hanging out in the totally Imaginary Garden.

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  2. Thanks Joy. Your challenges are...challenging, and thoroughly enjoyable.

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  3. my kids and even my new grandaughter have my color eyes, so i will never have to go through this. by the pain you express, i'm fortunate to never have to go through this pain.

    journey with a new friend

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  4. Oh, lucky you - that's nice. Now I'm wondering what color everyone's eyes are!

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  5. Oh this is so beautifully written and touching. Well done with the form, too :)

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  6. you really create a mood and a whole story so effectively with so few words.

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    1. Thanks very much - I really liked yours too!

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  7. Great job with the form and very haunting indeed today at your feed.

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    1. Thank you Pat. Hey, I appreciate you ALWAYS being here. :o)

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  8. This is so sad...yet it is beautifully written. I feel the sense of loss in it.

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  9. Thank you Susie. Glad it works for you.

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  10. Oh that's not fair. I was already really feeling this when you put in that twist at the end. Tissue, please.

    Beth Nielsen Chapman wrote a gorgeous song called Sand & Water, which is similar to this, and which makes me cry every time.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k-kvYYPYWFg

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    1. Thanks Fireblossom, and thanks for the song link, I'll check it out.

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  11. This is so heart-felt.. I dreamed you into your own bed.. That got to me.

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  12. Mary, a universal poem for those of us who feel this kind of loss, pain.

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    1. Thank you Helen. I'm so sorry you can relate. (hug)

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  13. The eyes are the final step to the haunt. Hopefully the daughter will grow so strong at some point the narrator will be able to gift her by seeing her eyes only--or by finding a way to be happy the signature cannot be erased.

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    1. Very good way to look at it Susan. That can be a good thing as well. Thanks for your comment.

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  14. nice...felt piece...to see them every day in the daughters eyes has to be pretty hard...i guess probably mixed emotions in that one as well...felt verse mary

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  15. Beautiful write, Mary. It moved me.

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  16. Wow-ee! This just kick my heart's ass. Wonderful! POW!erful! I'm one N-V-S guy- loved this, thanks Mosk

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  17. Beautiful excellent write - memories do live on in the eyes of others.

    Anna :o]

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  18. Still waters run pretty deep with you Mary Bach.
    Hauntingly beautiful.

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  19. Thank you Galen. I'm trying to dredge up a 55 right now.

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  20. Ah! How did I miss the repetition pattern? It fit so well with the piece that I didn't even notice it until I read your author's note, but it's funny because I had a vague sense of deja vu while reading. What a wonderful work looking at the difficulty of loss. Thanks for sharing!

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  21. Thanks very much Mark. That deja vu feeling really works with the subject matter. Cheers.

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