January skies, so pale and thin,
begin to hint at coming life,
strife from cold and dark to meet
heat and light of longer days ahead,
fed with dreamings under winter skies.
And round two:
January sky so pale and cold,
fold yourself over the sleeping land.
Hand over your daydreams of ease
please don’t make me take these from you
too. But
in your struggle there is a grace
traced on the face you show to a world,
curled in upon itself to keep out cold,
holding hope in life and light and love.
This is an attempt at chained-rhyme for Joy's Sunday mini-challenge at IGWRT. Basically in this form the last word or syllable of each line must rhyme with the first word or syllable in the following line. But Joy describes it much better, so check out the link for that and lots of other chain-rhymed poetry by the toads.
Words and image by Mary Bach
I am loving this form of poetry. I can see this winter cold in this poem and the last lines on both..dynamite.
ReplyDeleteThanks very much Judy.
DeleteInteresting form, as it does flow. i will be glad when the sky and everything else about january is gone.
ReplyDeleteHey thanks Pat. And actually I like January better than February (usually).
DeleteGreat work!
ReplyDeleteThank you Janie :o)
DeleteI like them both, especially the curling after the "but" in the second. I miss snow down here in hilly.
ReplyDeleteThis year I miss the snow here too! There's been precious little. And thank you Susan.
DeleteThe first one was good, Mary, but the second really starts to flow, and cohere, and I think you were able to say more in it--really liked this line:
ReplyDelete"Hand over your daydreams of ease
please don’t make me take these from you
too...." ouch!
That is both the form done to perfection, and a killer line. I'm glad if you had fun with my sneaky little form. I certainly enjoyed reading your takes.
I do love those pale thin january skies, though--what an image.
DeleteThank you Joy. This was very challenging for me, and it sort of took on a life of it's own! lol
Deletefold yourself, hand over,curled in, hold hope... my, this second one is lovely. though your first one seemed to be a warm up for the second, it clearly has a stout and undeniable presence as well. so much enjoyed!
ReplyDeleteThank you for that very insightful comment Jane.
DeleteLovely image in the words and the picture - I also look for some hope from these skies! There is something so pure about them. Thanks much. k.
ReplyDeleteThank you Karin. :O)
DeleteVery nice. Yes, indeed, January has a certain amount of grace that it shows to the world...despite the winter chill!
ReplyDeleteThanks Loredana!
ReplyDeleteThank you Mary. :o)
ReplyDeleteloved how you used the form here.. and loved the last line in round two; holding hope in life and light and love.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much. :o)
DeleteI wonder if is it the reflective time of year, but these are lovely chain rhymes with a lot of wisdom in them ;_)
ReplyDeleteThank you Katy. I do love this time of year, maybe because it tends to be reflective, as you say.
DeleteThis is a lovely painting of the January winter skies ~
ReplyDeleteGood work on the rhymed chain pattern ~
Thanks Grace!
DeleteTwo beautiful odes to the season.
ReplyDeleteI loved this sequence of lines for the resounding vowels:
But in your struggle there is a grace
traced on the face you show to a world,
curled in upon itself to keep out cold,
Thank you Kerry, I appreciate your comment.
ReplyDeleteI love the tone and content, Mary...it really works well with this form...flowing smoothly. Beautiful!
ReplyDeleteThanks Hannah!
DeleteBoth are lovely, Mary. I like this form, and hope to try it some more. I hope you do, too.
ReplyDeleteK
Thank you Kay. I should try it again. I found it quite difficult (but that's not necessarily a bad thing).
Delete